The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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