he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
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