lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
