I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
