well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
