Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
