just come out here and I will go home with you...
I will die if light touches me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
