idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
