A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
