I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
