I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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