We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
