i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
