Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
