Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
