i would punch a child for taco bell
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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