Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am available for nakedness
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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