Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
