I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
