At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
