I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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