Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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