I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
