I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
