I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
