this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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