I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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