Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
