you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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