i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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