4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just fell off a train. Bad.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he shaved USA in his pubs
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
