just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Drake has all the answers
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
