I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
