Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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