I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
