Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
