Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
