in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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