Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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