I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
