Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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