She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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