If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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