I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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