One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sober January is a disaster.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
