you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
