I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
