he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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