You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize