let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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