Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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