i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
