tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
