Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
