I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
