Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
