i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
