i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
